Okay, I know you’ve heard it all before, pregnancy stats over 40 suck. As far as I’m concerned, statistics are for statisticians. What about the fact that the number of unwanted pregnancies in women between 40 and 44 years old is exceeded only by adolescents? Many women in their 40s think they are too old to get pregnant, get a little careless with birth control, and bingo!
I would venture to guess that most women over the age of 40 are not trying to get pregnant (and many have undergone sterilization procedures). I wonder what would happen to those statistics if all women over 40 tried Get pregnant. I think we would all be surprised. Our society and the media are so ‘age obsessed’ that women start to believe their life is over at 40 (heck, it’s more like 35 now). The message is that she will need plastic surgery, she will be replaced by a trophy wife, she will have difficulty getting a job, and her chances of having a baby are less than her chances of winning the lottery.
As far as I’m concerned, I won the lottery, but it wasn’t by luck. I was 44 years old when I had my daughter who, in my completely unbiased opinion, is perfect. I had a normal pregnancy and delivery and conceived without fertility treatments. Yes, I am the oldest mom on the playground, but so far no one has asked me if I am her grandma. In fact, I’ve been asked more than once, “Are you going to have another one?” I’m in the best shape of my life, and even though my very active daughter wears me down occasionally, I’m staying fine. In fact, I remember taking care of my niece and nephew when she was 20 years old; It wasn’t any easier back then.
Being an ‘older’ mother is a blessing. I am wiser, more patient, and totally adept at dealing with the trials and tribulations of a two-year-old. I have no hidden agendas for my daughter. Since I already achieved everything I wanted to do in my life, I am not trying to live my dreams through her. It’s her life, and I’m behind her no matter what path she takes. The comment I hear most often is: “she is a very happy girl”.
I admit I had an interesting journey into parenthood. My own childhood was less than perfect. I grew up with parents who didn’t match up at all, leaving me with a negative impression of marriage and family. As a result, I waited until I was almost 37 to get married and didn’t even start trying to get pregnant until I was almost 38. After a year of trying on our own, we underwent fertility treatments. I spent more than two years trying drugs, inseminations and IVF twice. Medications and inseminations did not work at all, and IVF ended with a miscarriage and removal of my left fallopian tube. I became disillusioned with my fertility clinic’s assembly line practice and the amount of drugs and hormones I was pumping into my system was totally inconsistent with my ‘all natural’ lifestyle and personal philosophy. I notified my doctor that I was going to go ‘no kids’.
I was in my 40s at the time and as if to cheer me up, no matter where I went or who I talked to, I would hear yet another story from a woman who gave birth in her 40s. I met a woman at my niece’s prom who gave birth to triplets at the age of 45 (no fertility treatments), a female tenant in our rental property out of the blue tells me she gave birth to her son at the age of 45 years. the local radio personality said her mother gave birth to him at the age of 48 (before the days of fertility treatments). She was standing in line for the ski lift and some teenagers behind us were laughing that her mom was having another baby at the age of 43. I started researching my own family history, and both of my grandmothers were in their 40s when they had their last child. I couldn’t get away from it!
I realized that I wasn’t ready to stop getting pregnant, but I definitely didn’t want to go through any more fertility treatments. I started researching natural methods to improve fertility. I quit a very stressful job, started a whole new way of eating, came back and faced all the unresolved issues I had with my parents and my less than perfect upbringing. I also researched natural methods to balance hormones, increase pelvic circulation, and changed my ‘pregnancy mindset’ through visualization and meditation.
I was shocked when I got pregnant naturally just a few months after completing fertility treatments. Unfortunately, I was having an abortion when I found out I was pregnant. As heartbreaking as my miscarriage was, I was thrilled to finally learn that I could get pregnant on my own. Now, more motivated than ever, I continued to research natural methods to improve my fertility and continued to add things to my ‘getting pregnant’ protocol.
Long story short, I got pregnant twice more, but lost both. Why was this happening? They examined my fetal tissue after a D&C, and they wouldn’t know, my baby was chromosomally normal. So far the well-intentioned condolences, “Probably something was wrong, it was a blessing.” I kept trying to get pregnant, even though I was now 43 years old. I could feel my baby hovering over me. I needed to give him life. But, when she was 43 and 11 months old, I almost gave up. I thought maybe my ‘internal barometer’ was broken. I was so sure that she was going to have a baby, but here she was, almost 44 years old and still without children. My baby was out there but I couldn’t get to her. I reluctantly decided that she was Really time to move on to childfree and get on with my life.
Two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I was a little upset because I finally made the firm decision to go child-free, and here I was, pregnant again! I guess the preparation finally found the opportunity (I think I was the healthiest human being on the planet at the time). I was cautious but excited nonetheless. We decided not to tell anyone or see a doctor until any ‘normal’ person did. I didn’t want a ‘step by step’ count of my hCG numbers or a depressing speech about the risks of pregnancy at my age. When I finally saw my doctor (one who was pretty negative about women in their 40s getting pregnant), he was jumping through the walls with excitement! My ultrasound looked great! This one was going to do it.
The moral of my story is “trust your instincts”. If in your heart of hearts you know you can do something, you probably can. I’m sure many doctors would use my story as an example of how difficult it is to have a child over 40 years of age. But, the fertility treatments were probably the most detrimental factor against me. There is a higher incidence of tubal pregnancies with IVF and I’m sure all those drug and hormone injections further upset the delicate balance of my reproductive system. Had I started my ‘all natural’ pregnancy protocol sooner, I would have saved myself years of frustration, $25,000 in fertility treatments, and my two fallopian tubes would have practically doubled my chances of getting pregnant naturally. I partly blame those over-quoted stats. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read that if you’re in your 30s or 40s, you should “run, not walk” to the nearest fertility clinic because time is running out fast!
The bottom line is that I overcame all my challenges and succeeded naturally at the age of 44. So for all the statisticians, I’d like to ask, “What are the odds of that?”
