What makes a person susceptible to midlife crisis (MLC) and affair, why now? MLC is an identity crisis. The MLCer suddenly has no idea who he is or who he wants to be. The person you have been is not functioning; he may feel like a failure by not achieving his goals, disappointed by the goals he made and achieved or like an impostor who achieved beyond his dreams and status. He may feel stuck at the bottom, lost in the middle, or alone at the top.
Infidelity is often the result of feeling that needs have been neglected and not met. Such feelings are often a valid reality, but this is not always the case. An MLCer is experiencing internal unhappiness outside of her marriage. But she ignores or denies the deep and superficial causes of her unhappiness. Since he doesn’t know why he is unhappy, he assumes that she must be his wife and her marriage, the most important environment and influence in his life. Furthermore, internal unhappiness without an initial projection towards the spouse creates an environment of tension within the marriage, which causes the relationship to suffer. Previously met needs are neglected when one or both partners withdraw or react to her internal unhappiness.
Being caught cheating does not encourage an MLCer to get help and end the relationship like it would with non-MLC cheaters, but instead provides the necessary inciting incident to Drop the Bomb and move on; allows you to take freedom. Traps and adventures are unfortunately not uncommon. Many of those who have affairs do so while living at home in a marital relationship with their spouse. Midlife crisis affairs may begin this way, but midlifers drop out, leaving their spouse and children, often for the purpose of continuing and deepening a love relationship. Since he no longer lives at home and the affair may be public, MLCers Standers need not look for signs of infidelity. Some may continue to hide it, but many brazenly flaunt it; they do not recognize their behavior as bad or adulterous, but instead defend the affair because they have left or are no longer in love with their spouse. There is a cycle between guilt, lack of remorse, and refusal to end the relationship.
The guilt of cheating serves to further isolate an MLCer and their spouse, this guilt and loneliness causes them to reach out to the other woman (OW) to ensure that they are a good and worthy person. Although not the cause, guilt fuels infidelity.
clandestine affair
The hormonal ups and downs in an affair that remains secret can continue indefinitely if the OM accepts her inferior status and seeks nothing more than her stolen encounters. This type of OW is a lifer-the long-term lover. But MLCers are looking to fill a bigger void. They seek to build a relationship of mutual and shared intimacy; secrecy is a barrier to this level of emotional engagement. Also, most OMs are not satisfied with the lower status of a person for life and will pressure the MLCer to leave his wife and publish her relationship. A secret kept by OM can keep the divine fantasy. Ordinary is the ruin of falling in love.
