The best way for a woman to figure out her orgasm is knowing her own body. Self-pleasure (commonly called “masturbation”) is a way to find a deeper connection to your own life force energy, which is the power of creation that flows through all of life. It can even be a spiritual practice when done with Presence, awe, and reverence. Through self-pleasure, a woman can learn to expand her awareness and capacity for Bliss.
Pleasure yourself gives you time to discover what turns you on without worrying about pleasing your partner. You have the opportunity to experiment with different types of touch, pressure, speed and find new erogenous zones. I recommend giving yourself pleasure several times this week. Take your time and connect deeply with yourself. Let your inner body-wisdom guide you. As you touch yourself, be aware of where the energy is flowing. Let your sessions be an adventure of self-discovery.
Notice if any resistance arises around self-pleasure. If so, ask yourself these questions: What is my relationship to pleasure? Do I make time for it in my life? How often? Do I find reasons not to give myself pleasure? If you are in the habit of limiting the amount of pleasure in your life, explore your old beliefs about pleasure, sex, and masturbation. You may be harboring shame or sexual guilt. You may feel that taking time for yourself is wasteful or selfish. Now is a good time to reframe those beliefs by reframing them in ways that are positive for sex and pleasure.
Once you’ve explored the nuances of pleasuring yourself and feel confident in your ability to orgasm, you may want to share this wisdom with your lover. Learning to share how you like to be loved is a great way to deepen your intimacy with your partner and increases the likelihood that you will be touched in the way that most arouses and satisfies you. This requires an important communication skill, called “3-Part Communication”.
3 party communication
1) Recognize the person for something they are doing well: “I love it when you caress me back.” or “Thank you for being willing to spend this time with me.”
2) Ask for what you want: “What would feel even better right now is if you play me even slower.”
3) Appreciate and Acknowledge Change: “Oh yeah. That feels so good! You’re doing great.” This style of communication will dramatically increase the likelihood that you will be touched in a way that pleases you and also makes your lover feel good.
As you take personal responsibility for getting your wishes fulfilled, you’ll want to let go of old beliefs that no longer serve you, such as, “My lover’s job is to magically discover what turns me on.” These kinds of ideas lead to feelings of hurt and/or disappointment. Instead, acknowledge that you are the generator of your orgasms. By learning what turns you on and asking for what feels right in the moment, you can expand your capacity for ecstasy.
Learning to decode your orgasm through self-pleasure practice and learning to express your sexual desires adds a whole new dimension to your lovemaking. It is a great way to increase self-awareness and expand your capacity for Bliss. You can also add juice to new or ongoing sexual intercourse. Enjoy!
