Ever since the advent of email, text messages, instant messaging, and social networking sites, people have been complaining and worrying about the possibility of increased flirting, emotional affairs, and gasping! – sexual escapades.
Is this reaction stemming from a real uptick in cheating, or from a suddenly more public and accessible forum for trends and behaviors that have always been around? In other words, do you really think that you or people you know are more likely to flirt and cheat now than in an electronic media-free environment? I do not! I would not do it! And neither do the people I know. At least no more than we would be if we were living, say, in the 18th century.
The indiscretions of public figures have fueled this critical commentary on the use of electronic media for social purposes. Governor Mark Sanford is a clear recent example. When a South Carolina newspaper published a series of emails between Sanford and his Argentinian mistress, some people found technology a scapegoat for adultery. Perhaps a story spun by a friend of a friend claiming that his cousin left his wife for a woman he met on MySpace can add to the buzz. This is excellent fodder for psychologists, journalists, and everyone who sells social commentary. No doubt you have seen evidence of this talk on television, in magazines, and on popular websites. We’re being educated on topics like the do’s and don’ts of text flirting, how Facebook friends become sexual predators, and why instant messaging leads to more office business. Who is really buying these things?
Are we, as a culture, really so obsessed with controlling our verbal interactions that we’ve reached this level of pettiness? Does this kind of attitude reflect how comfortable we feel with ourselves? Is this another example of shyness taken to the extreme? I think so. How often do we casually say something that we then reexamine? I know I do it a lot! Before computers, people said, “I put my foot in my mouth.” To some extent, we’ve always been aware of our communication with each other, but I don’t see any reason to amplify that trend just because text messages, emails, and online postings are “print media.” I’ve heard people say, “Once it’s printed, you can’t take it back!” Oh really? So how do so many contracts end up in court? How are divorces possible? How do teens break up over text and get back together the next day on Facebook? Why is literature the subject of interpretation and open discussion for centuries after its publication? It is true that legally a written contract has more weight than a verbal one, but is a wink or a pat on the butt more casual than a “xoxo” in a text message? I do not think so. That is the real point I am referring to. Spoken words and physical contact have much more influence on sexual behavior than the written media. Why obsess over the do’s and don’ts of electronic communication any more than we would with our daily physical interactions?
If people with poor impulse control want to cheat, they will find a way to do it, with or without a Blackberry or iPhone. The period television drama series “Mad Men” is critically acclaimed for its faithful portrayal of mid-20th century male-female relationships and has won three Golden Globes and nine Emmy Awards. It could be said that the content of the program is 50% extramarital affairs. I admire the realism of the writers in their depiction of marital anguish and the human tendency to seek greener pastures. Most people aren’t proud of this kind of behavior, but hey, it goes back to the Bible! Do you remember David and Bathsheba?
I fear that obsessing over and controlling casual interaction between us, be it physical or electronic, is likely to lead to the deception it was intended to prevent. After all, doesn’t temptation begin in the mind? We experience temptation when we find ourselves thinking too much about a certain activity or person. Let’s keep the neurosis to a minimum, okay? So he spent too much time talking to his co-worker of the opposite sex about her personal life at lunch. And that? Let him go and stop thinking about making out with him! Bonding happens. Maybe you emailed your ex about a personal problem that you knew he would understand. Again, so what? Do we really need to live our lives in such a rigid way, fearing that at every turn lies a carnal temptation? This type of attitude affects many people who suffer from religious dysfunction. Ironically, they are the ones who always end up cheating! Sounds like Ted Haggard?
Just for fun, and in closing, check out this list of evangelist sex scandals: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_televangelist_scandals
Now, how much do you want to reign in your Facebook activity? Want to spend more time examining your texting etiquette? Just try not to worry too much about it.
