The world is constantly changing, and if our thinking and habits are not vibrating in resonance with the new cosmic frequencies, there will naturally be tension (often reflected in generational clashes). At first glance, it is reasonable to assume that if timeless values did in fact exist, no effort would be necessary to preserve them, as they would resonate harmoniously with the vibrational frequencies of all time and are therefore always welcome. Anything else proclaimed as a “family value or tradition worth keeping forever” but resisted by the new generation must be re-examined and questioned.
In general, I think there are two familiar battlegrounds: the battle for respect and the battle for understanding. The parents want to win the first battle, while the children fight the second battle.
Most parents demand respect from their children above all else (because parents know more, because they deserve it, because their children owe them something, because respect for elders is a good family value). But is respect what parents are really looking for? Children are generally considered to be disrespectful when they do not obey, that is, when parents cannot control them. In other words, the parents are saying “If I can’t control you, you’re disrespecting me.” But parents, if you want to receive something, you first have to give the same.
So, are parents respectful of their children? Parents who want to control their children and expect obedience often do not respect their children’s personal space, choices, and opinions. Therefore, the parents themselves are being disrespectful. It is important to stress that children have the right to their own lives. In fact, that is a very important value today. So if you want to teach your child respect, don’t barge into his personal space thinking you’re entitled to it. You are not. Let go of your controlling tendencies, show some respect, and kids will automatically respect you for it. Problem solved!
And one more thing, parents. Don’t play the victim. Do not think that you sacrifice yourself for your children, so that they owe you something in return (for example, they have to be happy, successful and “good” for your sake). You decided to have them, so own up to your decision and don’t get your kids caught up in it. Don’t manipulate them, don’t pull out the emotional blackmail card, and don’t be a control freak. You are not the victim of disrespect (or disobedience, as is often the case) from your children. You are the victim of your own lack of understanding of what respect really means and of your own lack of respect for your child’s life choices.
As for children, their most common complaint is that their parents do not understand them. But children, you also have to understand your parents. There is only one thing you must understand: that all the control that parents exercise and everything they do is out of LOVE. Fair enough, it doesn’t seem that way. But it’s true. No father hates his children (well, hardly anyone). His behavior may indicate otherwise, but that is not the truth. Parents control because they want “the best” for their children. Yes, it’s arrogant of you to think you know better, but most parents are ignorant like that. (Ironically, children become their controlling parents when they have children of their own, which is how things play out.) But if only children could “read” parents’ annoying behavior like “I love you”, if children could truly understand their parents’ motives, children would also be greeted by their parents’ understanding. The same rule applies here: if you want to receive Understanding, you have to give it first.
So parents and children: do not demand! Give and you shall receive. If you want to be respected, respect those who demand respect. If you want to be received with understanding, be understanding with those you want to be understood. This is how you keep a healthy and happy family.
