Your 5 times a week gymnastic ritual in the bedroom has been reduced to a once a month fumble with the lights off. Where did it all start to go wrong? Can you put it right? All relationships need a little shot of spice to keep the fire burning. Our suggestions for sexual positions are much more modern than the Kama Sutra and you can be sure that you have not tried them all before.
SUDOKU STYLE: Do positions 1 to 9 of the Kama Sutra without duplicating any number in its box.
ENGLAND STYLE: Cover your face with the Union Jack and think of England.
PAINTBALL STYLE: From a distance, using your weapon of choice, shoot random drops at it.
BLACK WIDOW STYLE: Very funny but someone dies.
THE MCDONALD STYLE: Shouts “I love it” as you explore his McFlurry.
GARDENERS OF STYLE: Plant your seed and watch its belly grow.
SAS-STYLE: Hide naked in a bush and catch her off guard.
CONTORTIONIST STYLE: Get as much of yourself as you can into his box.
VIRGIN STYLE: Stick 2 ice cream cones on your breasts and act like a virgin.
MATRIX STYLE: Simultaneously jump into the air and attempt to copulate while airborne. Best done in slow motion.
HELICOPTER STYLE: Paint the letter H around your lady parts and watch your helicopter land.
DOUBLE BAGS STYLE: Put a bag on her head and a bag on her head in case hers comes off. Ideal for women lying down while wearing beer glasses.
DOGGY STYLE: Grab her leg and rub it up and down until you reach orgasm. It’s best to try while she’s asleep.
FAT WOMAN STYLE: Roll it in flour and look for the wet part.
SUNBURN STYLE: Only the genitals can be touched.
WEAVE STYLE: Inside, above, through and outside.
HOKEY COKEY STYLE: In, out, in, out, then shake it all up.
HEALTH AND SAFETY STYLE: They both put on safety glasses, light jackets, and gloves and try to get in without injuring themselves or fogging up their glasses.
STYLE TRAMPOLINE: Bounce alternately. He lands first in the sitting position and the woman lands on top with the aim of penetration.
LOW TRAMPOLINE STYLE: Usually follows after previous position fails.
ARMY STYLE: Have him clean your gun using only his tongue and an electric toothbrush.
PINATA STYLE: Make them hang from a tree while you click on them.
SAFE SEX STYLE: They both lay there, not touching each other and just think about what they could be doing if they weren’t so security conscious.
STAR WARS STYLE: Launches a surprise attack from behind.
DAVID BLUNKETT STYLE: Bring your dog.
PRISON STYLE: Throw the soap in the shower and put a washcloth in his mouth.
007 STYLE: Choose your wife wisely, as she will be dead tomorrow.
ESSEX GIRL STYLE: Have the woman wear white stilettos and say “can you see my kebab”.
COMPANION STYLE: Kissing is not allowed, however, licking and touching the private body parts of others is absolutely fine.
DIY STYLE: Usually carried out alone.
FRIENDS GATHERED STYLE: Do it with old friends and then don’t see them again for ten years.
DIET STYLE: Everything looks and feels normal but doesn’t taste as sweet.
AMERICAN STYLE: Do it while eating hamburgers.
DELIVERY DRIVER STYLE: You wait patiently all day but it still doesn’t come.
BANKING STYLE: Low interest means probable withdrawal.
STYLE DRIVERS: After 10 minutes of huffing and puffing, he says “are we there yet?”.
BARBIE AND KEN STYLE: Try to have sex without bending your arms and legs.
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE STYLE: Suspend yourself from the ceiling with a cable and try to have sex without waking her up.
ALIEN-STYLE: Use your probe.
NINJA STYLE: She will never know you were there. Useful if you wouldn’t even touch the sides.
