I was praying one day, very hurt by what my husband told me. I left my wounds and pains before the Lord and began to ask him many “whys.” Then He said, “What about you?” to which I replied, “What do you mean?” And He said, “Let’s not talk about your husband. I’ll deal with that separately. Let’s talk about you and your role as a wife.” Oh my! I wanted to run when I heard that. I felt that God was on my husband’s side and that was the last thing I needed at that moment.
“What about me” was what God wanted to deal with and not “what about my husband.” I wanted him to look at me first and not at the other person. As long as I’m looking at my husband I won’t be able to look more closely at myself. “But God” I said, and He replied, “I understand. But this is between you and me and it has nothing to do with him.” It was then that God began to show me the Scriptures about my role as a wife. That was also the moment that I realized that this marriage is not about me or my rights, but about my role as a wife and what God says in His Word.
You are in your marriage not to stand up for your rights but to surrender your rights to God. You are in your marriage to serve God as you serve your husband and children. You are in your marriage to grow in this walk and be perfected just as God is perfect. You are in your marriage for sanctification. Your marriage is not about you but about God.
It doesn’t matter if our husbands are doing their part or not. As I mentioned earlier, God is going to deal with them separately on that. In the meantime, what matters to God is whether we are doing our part.
The Bible has many Scriptures that speak of our part and role in our marriage.
1. Wives, be subject (be submissive and conform) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord (Ephesians 5:22)
2. In the same way, you married women, be subject to your own husbands. [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them]so that even if someone does not obey the Word [of God]can be won not by discussion but by [godly] lives of their wives,
When they observe the pure and modest manner in which you conduct yourselves, along with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him-to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband]. (1 Peter 3:1-2)
3. She comforts him, encourages him, and does him good while there is life within her. (Proverbs 31:12)
4. His lamp does not go out, but burns continuously during the night. [of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust] (Proverbs 31:18).
Subdue, adapt, subordinate, respect, revere, honor, esteem, cherish, reward, adore, admire, praise, be devoted, love deeply, enjoy, comfort, and encourage. These are some of our basic roles. Add to that “doing only good to him while there is life within you.” And don’t forget to keep your lamp on, that is, you must be the light in your house and it has to stay on. This does not give rise to a pitiful, anxious, fearful, or depressed spirit.
But my husband is not even doing his job as head of the house… my husband drinks a lot… my husband is addicted to pornography… my husband is rude to me… my husband can’t even provide for us … etc. etc. etc.
Let me take you back to 1 Peter 3:1-2.
Likewise, you married women, be subject to your own husbands. [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them]so that even if someone does not obey the Word [of God]can be won not by discussion but by [godly] lives of their wives,
When they observe the pure and modest manner in which you conduct yourselves, along with your reverence [for your husband].
Whoever your husband is and no matter how bad he is, God expects you to do your part. Of course, you should not submit to him if he is telling you to sin. If he asks you to watch porn with him, then you are not expected to submit because it is against God’s Word. But don’t let his sin stop you from serving him, loving him, appreciating him, encouraging him and all your other God-given duties.
It will not be easy anymore if you have a husband who is not surrendered to Jesus. That is why Ephesians 5:22 emphasizes that our submission to our husbands is a service to the Lord. It is not for him but for God.
See your marriage as your ministry. Your role as a wife is your servitude to God. Fulfilling your role is pleasing to God. Fulfilling these roles despite difficulties is a sacrifice to God. When you start playing your role, God will move in your favor. Remember, obedience will release the miraculous power of God in his life.
~Lisa Maki~
