First things first, you and your spouse need to take a moment and talk about how your marriage needs some work. The way you communicate with each other must change. At one point in your relationship, you guys would never have dreamed of treating each other the way you do now. I don’t know what your current situation is, but if your marriage is falling apart because of how you talk (or don’t talk) to each other, this needs to change.
“I” Statements vs. “You” Statements
When saying something to your spouse that could lead to a fight, I strongly suggest using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “You” statements are debatable and can easily make your spouse feel like they need to defend themselves. If you use “I” statements, it makes it much harder for your spouse to disagree with how YOU FEEL. They will evaluate what they did to make you feel that way and come up with more clever ways he or she could have expressed it. For example, “I feel like I do all the housework here” would be better than “You never help clean the house.” Do you see the difference there? Simply changing the way you approach problems could really help the way you and your spouse communicate.
Time out for yourself
If you’re in a heated argument, it’s always best to take a walk or take a breather before continuing. This way, when they do talk about the problem, all that anger can dissipate and prevent them from saying hurtful and irrational things. So many arguments that escalate into a shouting match can make both of you feel worse before the fight even starts. Knowing when to take a break and calm down before saying anything else can really prevent words that will be impossible to take back from coming out of your mouth.
take turns talking
What they can do is allow each other to have a conversation without interrupting each other. If you interrupt your spouse when they are talking, it simply means that what you have to say is more important than what your spouse says. There are many people who have this bad habit when they are speaking. This is very rude and disrespectful. One of the good tips to know how to save the marriage is to allow the other to speak and be heard. What you can do is stop when you are about to. This will take a lot of practice to get right.
Understand that you cannot control their feelings or opinions
Most arguments happen because each person is trying to convince the other that they are right. Really listen to your spouse and try to understand where they are coming from.
Accept the reality that you and your spouse will not always agree on anything. There are no two people who, no matter how much they are in love with each other, can always agree on something. When you accept this earlier in your marriage, you can have more productive fights instead of damaging ones. This can also show that you respect your spouse because you have allowed them to have a personal opinion. This means that you recognize your spouse as a separate person who may have her own unique perspective.
Ultimatums = Death of a Marriage
The last tip you can have to save your marriage when you’re having a difficult conversation is to avoid all-or-nothing statements. If you start using extreme words like never or always, you are getting yourself into trouble. You and your spouse can save a lot of pain by remembering that the stakes are high between those extreme words.
