Lonely
My wife died on Tuesday March 12, 2013 at 9:30 pm
I miss her
He had a Glioblastoma brain tumor.
Which is as bad as it sounds.
She was diagnosed on January 11, 2013.
It didn’t take long.
She was a nurse.
There was no way to fool her.
She knew the punctuation.
What will we do Maria?
“I don’t want to die.”
“Baby, you won’t die,
Let’s do the chemotherapy … the radiation …
Maybe a miracle … “
“OKAY”.
I was not so lucky.
Chemotherapy, radiation every day for 2 weeks.
She grows weaker and weaker …
Finally, pneumonia, blindness, coma.
I sit in the hospital.
Hours at a time.
I eat there.
Sometimes your hospital food.
She does not eat.
I sleep and wake up.
Nothing new.
The people at the hospital are very good to us.
Patient, kind and empathetic.
The doctor looks at me
With empty eyes.
I pray, I read
I take her hand and tell her that I love her.
I think of the sad song
“Maybe I should have hugged you
Through the lonely lonely nights
Maybe I should have told you
I am so happy that you are mine.
The little things that I could have said and done
but he never took the time.
But you were always on my mind
You were always on my mind. “
Oh! I would like that
Just for a little while longer.
Now comes the morphine.
Oxygen and shortness of breath.
Fired.
I miss her
“She is in a better place.”
I tell myself.
But I miss her.
I pray by faith.
I am busy with the later details.
Cremation
The words of loved ones
trying to comfort me
Choosing the Urn, the flowers,
internment.
The feeling of emptiness leaving her
in the cemetery.
Life goes on
But dear god
I miss her
The death of a loved one is sadly something we all must experience.
In my work as a therapist, I advise people that grief does not end at the funeral. No more than one race ends at the finish line. But I’ve come to realize that it’s oh so personal!
Why do bad things happen to good people? I have pondered this mystery many times.
Saint Paul says …
“Life is like a tapestry. As we live, all we see is the back, which is just a confused accumulation of threads and knots. When our life ends, the tapestry turns and we see the real picture.” Then we get to know why. “
There is a reason for all things. We must know the pain of loss; because if we never knew, we would have no compassion for others. We would become monsters of self-esteem and self-interest. The pain of loss teaches humility and has the power to soften our hearts, to make a better person out of a good one. “
But, my gosh … oh! How I miss her!
