We are tremendously influenced by our pseudo-status syndrome and conscious attempt to make style statements that “simple” and “simplicity” seem out of fashion. The simple lifestyle is not desired. We try to make life as complicated as we can and with as many things as we find around us. Then look at the others to get us out of that mess. An extramarital affair is one of those aspects of human relationships, which is avoidable and not a necessity for our survival, but nevertheless, people get involved to make life “spicier” and more complicated. According to a survey conducted by one of the New York-based Human Relations Research Organizations, it is found that during the study period of 1995-2005; More than 78% of married people have had some type of extramarital affair. It is also found that married men (80%) are more likely to be involved in these types of relationships compared to married women (68%). Of all people involved in extramarital affairs at some point in their lives, 83% are in the 27-45 age group.
Redefining the extramarital relationship
Extramarital affairs can be defined as a person’s need to seek love, care, and acceptance outside of marriage. For an affair to be classified as an extramarital affair, one or both of the people involved must be married. The extramarital relationship should not be confused with infidelity. Extramarital affairs may or may not lead to any kind of physical relationship between the two people involved. On the other hand, infidelity is about doing something physical and having sex for pleasure and fun, outside of marriage. Infidelity is also a demonstration of power and social status.
Elements that lead to Extramarital Relations
It is not in human nature to seek another relationship outside of marriage. Some of the factors that compel either spouse to seek comfort and emotional gratification outside of marriage include:
1) Disharmony in married life: Among the numerous human needs, some are: to be accepted, cared for and loved. If the relationship between a husband and wife is not pleasant, and if they spend too much time arguing or fighting instead of working as a team, it will force one or both of them to look elsewhere. Most of us expect our spouse to exchange these feelings and emotions and if he can’t find it, he starts looking elsewhere. Being ignored, abused, rejected, insulted and hurt (physically) are some of the triggers that force a person to seek out their needs. For example, a nagging wife and a husband trying to control his wife’s movements are actually forcing their respective spouses into extramarital affairs.
2) Out of sight and out of reach: We live in a very competitive world. We all seek emotional interdependence and financial independence. We need career and professional growth. The comforts, status and style to which we are exposed, requires both spouses to work to meet the growing expectations of life. This forces both husband and wife to work and support each other, particularly after the last two economic downturns within 10 years. Depending on an individual’s career orientation and expectations and the type of professional and economic growth he seeks, traveling around the world for short or long periods has become a necessity. Sometimes that forces a couple to live in different cities or countries. It doesn’t matter how advanced we are in our communication technologies but distances disturb relationship ties. You can hardly do anything to provide emotional satisfaction to your spouse. You can’t touch, hold hands, hug or kiss your spouse, right? Many times, such needs of the individual force him to seek that comfort elsewhere and find it in his colleagues or friends of the opposite gender.
3) Forced Social Values: Apart from extramarital affairs, the other social stigma is divorce. We are so scared by our society and the notion of “what will people say” or “how will society react” that people decide to stay with their dead marriage while looking elsewhere for their emotional needs. They look around for someone who will listen, care, and provide emotional comfort. As our expectations of our relationships have increased enormously, particularly of marriage, society has to choose between accepting high divorce rates or accepting extramarital affairs. Some couples are of the opinion that although they can’t stand each other and don’t find intimate juice in their relationship, socially, they will stay together and not opt for separation or divorce “for the sake of the children” and to make sure that their children get “love, care and comfort from both parents”. Isn’t it an unwise cause to stay together? What kind of emotional and psychological comfort, future improvement, will you guarantee your children when they can’t stand each other, argue and fight with each other and, even worse, if one or both of them are involved in extramarital affairs?
Elements that lead to infidelity: As mentioned above, unlike extramarital affairs, infidelity means getting involved in establishing physical relationships with someone other than your spouse. An interesting fact about infidelity is that, unlike rape, all physical acts involved in infidelity are concessional. There are many factors that contribute to infidelity and some of them are:
1) Pleasure – There is no reason for “infidelity for pleasure”. It is so. It is driving fun and pleasure. This form of infidelity is to enjoy and celebrate the moment. It is allowing the flow of emotions to control you and decide your movements.
2) Out of Sight and Out of Reach – As discussed above, no advanced mode of communication can provide or guarantee the comfort of being together. The physical expression of love or sex is one of those biological needs and if your spouse is not around to fulfill your need, you are likely to seek out and engage others to fulfill it. If it’s not someone close to you or your friends and colleagues of the opposite sex, then they may be gigolos or escorts.
3) Commit for professional and social growth: people are more and more ambitious and willing to go to any length to be first in the mad rat race and most of them don’t mind committing to some things even if that means cheating on your partner. Career advancement means higher benefits and more avenues for wealth creation. We have seen and are aware of casting couch incidents in the entertainment and media industry. We are also aware of people engaging in similar incidents in the business and corporate world to get a job, promotions and raises, perks and exponentially high benefits. People don’t mind making or accepting these types of overnight offers in order to put their career on the fast track.
4) Demonstration of Power – We are aware that among all the traits that attract a person to another of the opposite sex is Power. The celebrity status of people and the power of a person to make decisions for the masses and control the movements of finances adds to her sex appeal. People tend to be attracted to them, and more than anything, people in general are likely to get physically involved with such wealthy and ambitious tycoons, even if it’s for one night.
Conclusion
Each of us has the right to decide the kind of life we want to live: simple, complicated or ultra-complicated. We are responsible for our own lives and the decisions we make. When making a decision for oneself, we must also be willing to face the consequences. However, it should not be forgotten that, whether it is an extramarital affair or infidelity, it is not just an affair between two people; more often, everyone around you is affected. As discussed above, no one reason can explain infidelity; It is for fun and pleasure and it can be for one night or more. On the other hand, if one of the partners is involved in an extramarital affair, social boundaries in general, either directly or indirectly, are responsible for it.
In an extramarital relationship that defames the reputation of the family, a couple in general and society in general are responsible for it.
We have one life, let’s live it with purpose in its simplest form and don’t try to complicate it unnecessarily. Decide for yourself and be responsible for your life. Believe in the phrase, “Simple life and high thinking.”
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Have a nice day and take care of yourself.
