Working men and women have a tough road ahead of them these days. Longer hours, more work, fewer perks and benefits: And companies aren’t as focused on being “employers of choice” as they were a couple of years ago. But if you think your boss is the source of your highest level of stress, you might be in for a surprise. Being a boss, fending off pressure from above and below, is harder than ever these days. Managers have smaller budgets and fewer staff members to get much more work done, as cash-strapped companies frantically try to turn their fortunes around. Sure, there are incompetent, hostile, and just plain evil punches, but in our experience, most middle managers are reasonable people trying to do the best they can for the employees they supervise AND those above them.
Skeptical? You may not think your supervisor is as interested in a fair, friendly, and reasonable work environment as you are, but he or she has a lot of other fish to fry, too. So we surveyed middle managers and developed this list of ten things your manager wants you to know, called “If your boss could talk, [What He or She Would Say].” (Of course your manager can talk, but not all managers are comfortable sharing these wishes and pet peeves with employees. Do any of these fit your situation?)
Here it goes:
1. When I’m abrupt and impersonal, it’s probably because I’m doing something I don’t want to do.
Do you feel shut down by your boss at times? His big ideas may interest your manager personally, but he or she may not have the approval or the dollars in the budget to say “yes” very often right now. If your manager is acting tough or suddenly becoming too “corporate,” it may be because he or she doesn’t feel comfortable telling you the answer is no. A rough exterior helps shield your boss from the reality that it’s him (or her). ) – not a title or job description – letting you down once again. A good tactic when this happens is to ask, “Is this topic uncomfortable for you?” That might turn your manager off enough that he or she opens up and tells you the real problem.
2. I care about a lot of things that you care about, but I can’t make a federal case for every slight you experience; You have to let me pick my battles.
Your boss is, among other things, the one who is supposed to stand up for you when those thugs in Marketing or accounting bureaucrats or anyone else in the company hurt you. But there are so many battles one person can fight! So, your boss wants to tell you, I have to let some of these disputes go. Don’t be upset when I don’t go off to criticize someone from Human Resources on his behalf because he made a mistake on his insurance claim again. You have to let things go sometimes.
3. Don’t try to make me King Solomon, especially for the little things.
Your boss says, I know you and your co-worker want the cubicle by the window, but I really don’t want to have to make that call, I’d rather watch you play rock-paper-scissors, if I could pull it off. When you try to put me in King Solomon mode, someone ends up upset about something really inconsequential. I will be very grateful if sometimes you and your colleague can solve these things on your own. You don’t even have to tell me when it happens.
4. I don’t want to watch you like a hawk, so don’t give me a reason to.
The message here is, with very little profit to go around, I’d love to at least give you a little flexibility in the schedule, as little as the workload allows. I’d let you in and out of the office as you choose (more or less) as long as the job gets done, if you’re a great employee in every other way. So please make my job easier and do your job and don’t just disappear right when you’re most likely to be needed. I can give you some slack if you work with me, but if you don’t, I’m going to have to come down on you like a ton of bricks.
5. You will always be more familiar with everything related to your work than I am.
When we talk, your boss means: Remind me what you’re working on, what’s giving you trouble, and what’s going well. Remind me of what is important to you and what you need from me. It is very difficult to remember the priorities, needs and obstacles of each of the members of my department, so any help you can give me is welcome. I value you, but you’re much closer to your work than I am. I have a different set of priorities, such as our department’s goals, budget, deadlines, and obstacles. If I’m micromanaging you at your own job, let me know.
6. When you’re mad at me, let me know.
The boss wants to say: I have a lot on my mind: I could spend two weeks with harsh stars, monosyllabic answers to my questions, and other clear signs that he’s mad at me and could still miss the message. So just tell me! Pick a time when I’m not up to my eyeballs in crisis and ask me for a quick meeting. Tell me what I did that upset you and why it was a bad decision. I promise to try to listen and not be defensive. If you don’t tell me, how will I know?
7. Don’t ask me to tell you what you know I can’t talk about.
Are layoffs coming? Is a large client planning to close its doors? Do we merge with XYZ company? If I know, I can’t tell you. If I could tell you, I would. Don’t ask me to tell you what you know I can’t, and don’t be offended because you think we’re friends and I should say everything. I can’t do it Don’t create tension by making this unreasonable request.
8. Bring me problems as far in advance as possible.
I love being surprised when things go better than expected. I love hearing that a problem has been resolved or some other good fortune befalls our department. Don’t surprise me with bad news, please. Let me know well in advance when something doesn’t work. At the last minute, problems are much more difficult to solve, so feel the fear and tell me anyway: “The ABC project is behind schedule.” I might shoot the courier a bit, but it’s better if I react later.
9. Create a feedback network to give me simple advice on my management style.
This is how this works. If I harass Sally mercilessly and tend to ignore Joe, then exchange comments and give them to me in a friendly way. So, Sally, tell me, “You know Stan, you probably don’t know him, but sometimes you seem to miss what Joe is telling you,” and then I can take that without getting defensive. And Joe, you’re like, “You know what, Stan? For some strange reason, even though you’re a patient guy in general, you seem to cause Sally a lot of pain.” That way, no one has to take the heat of the feedback on themselves and I still get the message. This would really be a gift, and I promise to try to take the advice as intended.
10. Don’t do anything stupid.
I can help you if you are wrong to some extent. But if he misuses the company credit card, downloads junk from the Internet, or hits a co-worker, I’m out of the loop: he’s gone. So help me and don’t do anything stupid.
What is the gist of what your boss tells you? Let’s work together. Why create tension in the relationship when the environment already has enough? You could also team up with your boss (and vice versa) to reduce stress and get the job done much more easily. And if you put yourself in your boss’ shoes a little bit, you’ll be surprised how much you learn. You might even consider becoming a boss yourself!
