You will probably find your courier driver to be a very nice person, and usually quite unflappable as well. However, if he wants to get steam out of his ears, he can try some of the following, with thanks to some of the customers who inspired them through real-life episodes.
“It will be ready in just 15-20 minutes or so.”
This is a good one that warrants, at the very least, exasperated sighs and hopefully an outraged expression from the courier driver. That’s because he can’t understand: why he’s not ready since you originally asked for the pickup to be an hour early; and why he thinks he has so much free time on his schedule.
“Sorry I don’t know about this and the guy who knows just left for lunch.”
This one is particularly effective for high blood pressure if the courier driver rushed to get your lunch or forgot about it altogether to get there on time.
We weren’t expecting you until tomorrow morning.
You are referring to the comments above!
“The box is there, it’s only about 150 pounds.”
In theory, this should never happen due to specifying it up front when organizing the collection, but sometimes, well, bugs(?) happen.
Watch the driver’s face for bulging veins – that’s a lot of fun!
“Do you have an apron and gloves to pick this up?”
The look of horror and suspicion here will be priceless, especially if the driver was told that it was just a simple package pickup.
“Geez, it’s a shame you came here because the box is at our other plant 15 miles away.”
This is a true classic and is guaranteed to annoy even the most placid person.
You can add to the outrage by pointing out that the reservation system does not accurately clarify the difference between the address from which the pickup is arranged and the address from which the pickup will be made. Most drivers in these circumstances will welcome the distraction of a frank discussion and exchange of views on issues of semantics and business processes.
“I thought you did the packing on site, too.”
It’s best delivered once you’ve led the courier driver into a room to collect the package, only to find a pile of parts, an empty cardboard box, and some Styrofoam balls. Be careful backing out, though, unless you want to find yourself in the same box.
“Don’t worry about the danger label on the box; I don’t think there’s anything very dangerous inside.”
To maximize the effect of this on the driver, try to make sure the box moves a bit on its own, and if you can wear some insulating-looking gloves while delivering it, all the better.
OK, all of the above is played for fun, but there are some serious messages. If you want routine pickup and later delivery, try to make sure there are no nasty surprises waiting for the delivery guy to arrive.
