I’ve been reading quite a bit lately, some professional and other personal. I read recently Do not alienate children! by Bill Eddy, LCSW Esq. on the recommendation of a good friend of mine. This is Eddy’s second book that I have read and I like his writing style: direct but informal, he takes responsibility for mistakes he has made too, explains terms and ideas in a way that anyone can understand, and gives specific examples and suggestions for resolving conflicts for both parents and professionals.
As a licensed clinical social worker (therapist), attorney, and mediator, Eddy has extensive knowledge and experience handling high-conflict family cases / disputes, working with families, children, adults, and couples. This particular book is intended for professionals and parents alike, and the information is interchangeable for both parties.
Eddy defines and explains what alienation is, who can be alienated, many of the reasons a parent may be alienated, and how a parent (or professional) can indirectly contribute to alienation. He raises the idea of ”1,000 little bricks” where a parent (or professional) can use small bricks to build a wall of alienation or “to build a foundation of resilience for their child.” A foundation of resilience, as Eddy describes, is built on three things: flexible thinking, controlled emotions, and moderate behaviors. Eddy discusses and gives examples of how to use these three fundamentals in a high-conflict environment, whether the parent is alienated or not.
It also describes the difference between alienation and abuse in high conflict divorces / separations. Eddy goes on to talk about how friends and family can help with the situation, and how some inadvertently make the situation worse; how counselors and other professionals can help alleviate alienation; the best ways to respond to people in high conflict situations; and how professionals (ie courts / judges) can identify and respond to high-conflict cases. Everyone will take something a little different than a book, lecture, article, etc. based on where they are in their personal / professional life at the time. This is why I like to go back and re-read some books at different times in my life. It helps me get a new perspective.
I found the sections in Emotions are contagious, they think all or nothing, they reflect bad behavior, and Teaching resilience not only extremely informative, but also extremely applicable to my personal situation. There are things we can always work on, all of us, no matter who we are or where we are in our lives. This reminds me of the first of AA’s 12 Steps: admit you have a problem. Hello, my name is Kristy and I have things that I need to work on in my personal (and professional) life. I am by no means perfect, and I realize this. It’s time to start using these ideas and suggestions to improve my life.
Exceptional book!
