Women constantly wonder what to do when a man becomes distant. When a man seems withdrawn, no matter how hard you try to get closer to him, it often feels like things are getting worse instead of better. However, there are some very definite steps you can take that will bring your man closer to you instead of further away. And isn’t this what you really want to happen?
So what is your best course of action when a man seems distant, inattentive and withdrawn? In short, very often our first instincts are to try to “talk” to our man about whatever it is that he is “bothered by”. Then we begin to vocalize the dreaded phrase to a man: “We have to talk.” This honestly drives him further away because he feels your need. Now, you may be thinking, what’s so needy about wanting to know what’s wrong with you? The answer is not one that you can easily understand, but it is one that you need to start embracing if you are going to attract a man in the long run. Whenever his feelings depend on what he feels, then a man begins to perceive this as a need. In other words, if when a man becomes distant, you start to feel anxious and insecure, he starts to think that your happiness depends on him doing or saying certain things. This makes you feel obligated and, believe it or not, even trapped. I know, I know, sometimes it’s hard to rationalize how just wanting to talk about what’s bothering you can cause you to experience these feelings, but unfortunately, that’s exactly what happens.
So, knowing all this, what should you do? First, stay calm, peaceful and happy. This may seem easier said than done, but with a little practice, it’s something you can learn to do without much effort. Take your attention away from him and his problems and start focusing on your life and what makes you happy. You’ve probably been so involved with him and the relationship that you’ve started to ignore some hobbies or friends. This is a great time to get back in tune with both your friends and your hobbies and start feeling like “yourself” again instead of someone who is constantly waiting to see what you are up to.
If he’s not calling you, he’s not asking you out, and he’s basically stopped all contact, leave it at that. This is difficult, but it is doable if you remain determined to let him solve his own problems. When a guy gets distant, don’t text him, call him, or ask him what’s wrong. There is a time to express to him but not until he returns. And while your biggest fear is that he’s gone forever, chances are he’s not. Often when a man becomes aloof, he is one of the biggest compliments a woman can receive. If she has been dating a man and everything has been going great, but he suddenly becomes withdrawn, it is very likely that he is trying to control his emotions. When a man begins to care a lot about a woman, he often withdraws in order to regain control of his emotions. In other words, you have impacted him a lot and he feels somewhat out of control when he is with you. The only way he knows to regain control is to get away from you. Most of the time, after a little distance, he will return. And the good news is, if he manages this period of distance effectively, he will be more in love with you than when he left.
This seems a bit hard to believe, but men have verified it over and over again and women who have let it work alone in these emotional moments have often found that it always comes back. Now the big question is after a man becomes distant, what do you do when he comes back? This is the time when you can have a conversation that expresses some of what you feel.
There are actually two ways to deal with it coming back, and your own particular situation will really dictate which method might be the most effective. If he’s only been gone for a short period of time and this is the first time he’s done it, and you’ve indeed waited until he renews contact, then one of the best responses is to act like you barely even knew he was gone. This can be hard to do, but learn to “fake it ’til you make it.” For example, if he calls and seems a bit apologetic and says something like “Sorry I haven’t called in a while. I’ve been too busy with work blah blah blah,” then you should say something. like, “Oh, how long has it been? I’ve been so excited lately about my new yoga class (or whatever you’re interested in) that I haven’t had time to think about anything else.” Then just expand on this and tell him how good it “feels.” Note that you are speaking in feeling messages, not thought messages. This keeps you in your feminine mode.
Now let’s say a man has become distant and hasn’t contacted you for a month. After a while, he calls and seems to think that he can come back into your life as if nothing happened. Or maybe he’s done it once or twice before. It is never acceptable for a man to play with your emotions, but we don’t want to tell him this, we want to “show” him that he is unacceptable. There are a couple of ways to do this.
First of all, you don’t have to be immediately available when you call. If you call today, wait a day or two before calling back. If you call and don’t leave a message asking them to call you back, don’t. A missed call is just that, it is not a callback request. After waiting the right amount of time to call him back, feel happy when you talk to him. However, when he asks you to meet up, be unavailable the first time and say something like, “I would have loved to go to the game with you on Friday, but I already have plans. How about we meet up on Wednesday?” ?”
When you meet, you could simply say something like, “I don’t want this to be a big deal, but it makes me uncomfortable when I don’t hear from you for long periods of time. I feel unimportant and unappreciated when you do this. You haven’t.” reprimanded for his actions. You’ve only said how you feel. And you’ve put the problem in his hands so he can “think” of a solution. Your job as a woman is to feel and your job as a man is to think.
Follow these simple steps when a man becomes distant and you will see that he begins to be much more open and talks to you about many things in his life. Although these steps may seem difficult at first, they are worth it when he experiences the results brought about by such actions.
